An estimated two-thirds of Americans will not watch Super Bowl [indecipherable Roman numeral] later today. Some of them are football fans, but "football" as in "soccer." Fortunately for them, there is still time to download I Am the Secret Footballer, the tell-all, behind-the-curtain collection of random observations that began as a series of Guardian columns.
If you're just catching up on the whole brouhaha over the revelations, you can also check in on WhoIsTheSecretFootballer.com,which has been leading the search to out the author (who they believe they have). It may take a few hours to get through all the thoughts and the thoughts on who is having the thoughts. However, with coverage of SBXLVII beginning hours ago — no matter when you began reading this, even if with a time machine that took you into the future — and heading hours into the future, don't worry. You have time.